Heero's Sex Ed
by The Lonely Gundam
Summary: Well, well, well, what a surprise!


I do not own any of the Gundam series, Blah Blah Blah.  
  
Yes, I know. Heero is someone who understands the ideals of mankind. He understands emotions among many other things. Yes, he is truly an amazing person both physically and mentally. But there was one thing Dr. Jay and his parents forgot: Sex Ed. His parents did teach him what and girl and a boy is, and the differnence, ect. ect.  
  
Anyway on the morning of May 15, AC 198 he was going to "learn". Relena had "voluteered" everyone to come with because he would diffitatly need poeple to humor him and he needed someone to help him out.   
Quatre had not gone beacause no one would sign his permission form and he was stuck at home with a Dorthy who wanted more babies then he had sisters.  
  
The teacher begain roll call:  
"Trowa?"  
"Here."  
"Wufei?"  
...  
"Wufei?"  
"Alright, I'm here, geez."  
"Duo?"  
"Here."  
"Relena"  
"Here."  
"Catherine?"  
"Here."  
"Heldi?"  
"Here."  
A car crashes into the wall of the school as the teacher says Heero's real name.  
"Here."  
  
Duo: "Hey I didn't know that Heero's real name was (a sudden clap of thunder muffed the name).  
Relena: "I think Herro is better. I really had no idea Heero could wind up with such a crappy real name."  
Trowa: "Me too. I mean when I became Trowa, I was gonna do it if his name was Billy-Bob or something."  
Teacher: "Erhem, well now class I suppose well should all laugh our hardest so that we don't laugh during the presentation."  
  
Everyone in the class began laughing wildly while Herro sat there (I mean when was the last time you heard him laugh anyway?).  
  
The movie began.   
  
Heero: "What the hell is that?!"  
Relena: "Its a HAND Heero."  
Heero shivers.  
Relena: "I think thats the first time he's every done that."  
  
She looked over to see Heldi's head on Duo's chest and Catherine and Trowa looking all "lovey dovey".  
"...damn, why are Catherine and Heldi so lucky. They get cool romantic guys while I'm stuck with a guy who missed out on the wonders of nature."  
  
Heero: "What the hell is that?!" He said suddenly as his face turned blue and he looked as if he would throw up or something.  
Relena: ...  
Duo: "Whats the problem, Herro? Can't handle the scene where the teacher points out the sexual origins?"  
  
Teacher: "Now this is how you put on a condom," she said as she put one on a banana.   
Wufei: "Like that tells us anything"  
Teacher: "Okay then Wufei, would you like to come in front of the class and show everyone how?"  
Wufei: "..., Okay, I"ll shut up."  
Trowa: "She has a point there Wufei, you've been bugging her all day you should at least do something to help out with our education."  
Wufei: ...  
Duo: "And besides, with what I've been hearing from Sally, you should not have any problems at all."  
Heero: ...  
  
Herro: "Huh?"  
Relena: "What?"  
Heero: "How come that girl doesn't have a (you know)"  
Relena: "Girls don't have those Herro."  
Heero: "Then how do you go to the bathroom?"  
Relena: ...  
  
Herro: "AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!"  
Relena: "Its okay Heero, the scene is almost over."  
Duo: "... I didn't know a mother giving birth could be that scary."  
Herro: "Oh, please God, Let it end now!!!!!"  
  
3 hours later  
  
Heero had fainted roughly 2 hours ago and has begun to regain concousness. Duo and Heldi left to begin making love in a bathroom stall. Trowa was still there, but Catherine had left to purchase something.  
  
Relena: "Heero, Heeeeerrrrroooooo"  
Heero: "Huh, Wha?"  
Relena: "Did you learn anything today?"  
Heero paused for a minute.  
Heero: "Nope"  
Relena: "..., Okay now I have a better idea."  
Heero: "Huh?"  
Relena: "You're over 18 right?"  
Heero: "Uhhhhhh, yeah so?"  
Relena: "Heh Heh," she gets an "evil grin"  
Heero: "..."  
Relena: "Well then I'll be your "private" tutor"   
  
The End  
  
Teacher: "Wait you forgot these!"  
Heero and Relena: "?"  
The teacher hands Heero a package.  
Heero reads the label, "Gundam Condom, when you need protection greater than the power of Gundamiun alloy, pick Gundam Condoms!" and the little note under it "Marketed by Zechs and Noin although they have absolutly NOTHING to do with this product."  
  
Heero and Relena: ...  
  
The Lonely Gundam doesn't take kindly to people who don't review! (even if its bad).  
The Lonely Gundam also doesn't take kindly to people who don't look for my next episode: "Scrable with Apple Sauce"  



End file.
